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How to Forgive Your Ex-Spouse


Many people have trouble moving on after a divorce. They were so hurt by their ex-spouse’s behavior that maybe they sought revenge. Maybe they still badmouth their ex to their friends. They might even say mean things about the person in front of the children.

A divorce can be an emotionally painful time. Many marriages end because of abuse, fidelity, addictions and other issues that cause hurt to one spouse. Ideally, both parties would divorce and move on, but this does not always happen. One person may stay bitter for many years after the divorce is finalized.

This is not healthy. While a divorce can be devastating, it’s not the end of the world. Staying mad does nothing to help the situation. So move on with forgiveness. Here are some tips that can help.

Find Ways to Get Rid of Negativity

Negative emotions will creep up, so find ways to eliminate these thoughts and feel happier. Some people find writing in a journal cathartic. Some people use yoga or exercise to feel better about themselves. Spend time with friends. Others may need therapy to get over their negative emotions.

Take Small Steps

You likely won’t feel better overnight, but you can take small steps to feel happier about your life. When you find yourself being negative, act on it right away. Maybe you can talk yourself through your feelings. Some people feel better by letting out a big scream. Write a letter to your ex explaining your feelings (but don’t send it).

Focus on What You Can Control 

You can’t control your ex-spouse’s past behavior, but you can control your current behavior. Be the bigger person and make a decision to let go of the hurt you are feeling. Your ex-spouse has likely moved on with their life, so you should, too. Control your anger and bitterness and focus on happiness.

Take Responsibility

Divorce is hardly one-sided. Typically, the actions of both parties caused the relationship to crumble. Therefore, you should take responsibility for your actions. Apologize to your ex-spouse. This can help bring about forgiveness.

Practice Forgiveness

Think positively about people. Many do the best they can.  Nobody is perfect, so you need to be accepting of that. People make mistakes. Stop holding a grudge and playing the victim. Vow to move on.  Your goal should be to forgive your ex-spouse or at least accept the way they are.  You are no longer married to them, so move on.

Seek Legal Help

Bitterness and anger can wreak havoc on your post-divorce life and even cause a rift between you and your children. You need an outlet to forgive and forget. You need to move on eventually to avoid damaging other relationships.

Change your attitude now to prevent a cycle of resentment.  It’s time for you to move on and become a happier person. Fort Lauderdale divorce attorney Edward J. Jennings, P.A. can help you with  your divorce as well as post-divorce matters. To contact our office, fill out the online form or call 954-764-4330.




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